Sunday, 28 October 2012

Crushed by Kindness...

I know I was supposed to post something Saturday but I have been getting many visits from friends and family. It has been busy around here! 

Without sounding repetitive and turning into the sappy douche bag that I would want to backhand if I was reading about this from the outside, I need to thank everyone who has been a part of this experience. It has been crazy and amazing. I am not just talking about the fundraising effort that has allowed me to stay calm and heal up. I am talking about having the opportunity to see how people feel about you. 

The emails and posts that have been coming in make this situation so much easier to deal with. I have had nothing but love from my friends and family and I truly believe all the good vibes, prayers, and words of encouragement are a huge part of the reason my body is healing so quickly. That being said, here's an update on the old body...

I am starting to get the feeling back in the left side of my face and in my teeth and gums. The cuts on my face are gone and so is all the swelling. My clavicle is coming along and the fractured ribs remain the biggest source of pain. Sneezing sucks but this situation has forced me out of my pepper sniffing habit. So thats good. I have no pain in my neck or spine and the neck brace is still my nemesis. In all seriousness, I am grateful to be able to wipe my own arse and get dressed by myself. Last night I was able to use my left arm to wash under my right armpit and was super pumped about it. I am walking around no problem and the range of motion in my left arm is nearly perfect. Raising it above my head remains a challenge but it is getting better. I have gotten off the painkillers and am using tylenol and advil when it hurts like crazy. I need to feel where I am at in order to set the proper limits. Can't do that all stoned outta my mind...

 My girlfriend Terri has been a rock and has made this a great experience so far by laughing at me and with me. Just the way I like it. She has been keeping the house together and all the animals are well taken care of. She is a beast. A beautiful beast!

I have had so many offers to help around here and so many people who have come by to help with chores and with whatever needs doing. People have dropped off food and have let me know that they are there to help.  The whole thing has been nothing but positive. Positive and inspiring.

You see, this experience is making me realize how fortunate I am. I went to the cancer clinic on Friday for my check up with my oncologist. I hate going to the clinic for many reasons, but this time I was particularly antsy because for one, I had to let Terri drive me there and I always do that stuff alone. I hate to stress people out or burden them with my troubles but in this case, I couldn't drive and had to let Terri take me. I was grateful (to say the least) to get the all clear from my doctor and was excited to get out of there. I realized that it is really important to know when to say yes to help and that when people want to help you, you should probably let them.

The past few days have been embarrassing, shocking and incredibly touching for me. The fact that so many have reached out in so many ways makes me feel like I have been doing the right thing with my life and that I have made a difference in people's lives. That helps me sleep at night. Stop making me cry you bastards...

 I am excited to heal up and take all that love, support and energy you have given me and use it to keep pushing forward, doing the things I do. Besides the book, I have other projects that are going to surface this year. This is shaping up to be one of the most important years of my life and I am proud that so many people are going to be part of it. Words only go so far, and I look forward to showing you what I am talking about. So thank you to all of those who have helped me with this situation. You will never know what this has meant to me. (unless I get a chance to bear hug you... THEN you'll know!) 

 In closing I want to say that if you need to spend some quiet time somewhere, or need a place to re charge, contact me and I'll let you know how to get to the farm. This place is magical and is to be shared. I also love visitors! I hope you all have a great week and once again, I kiss your faces. The people in my life make it worth living and for that I am grateful. I am one lucky bastard and I know it. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Sunday, 21 October 2012

The Bad Times Bible Blog: Smashing Revelations.

The Bad Times Bible Blog: Smashing Revelations.: A funny thing happened at work last Thursday... Let the swelling begin! Well, not so much funny as kinda shitty and very scary, but f...

Smashing Revelations.

A funny thing happened at work last Thursday...
Let the swelling begin!
Well, not so much funny as kinda shitty and very scary, but funny in the sense that I think the Universe is trying to tell me something... Again... While doing a removal of a big Maple tree (I had to go back to tree work for the summer, more on that later) I got smashed by a huge limb. The above picture is what my face looked like after eating a few hundred pounds of wood. Here is another angle...

I won't get into the details of what happened because I don't remember. The rest of the guys said the accident happened so fast that they aren't sure what happened. All I know is when I was lowering the limb, something went sideways and I ended up taking a 12 foot heavy ass limb full tilt to the left side of my body. My hardhat  (see below) 

and amazing, fat man, cat like reflexes allowed me to minimize the damage by turning away at least enough to not take the impact head on.  I still got my ass kicked though.

I have done hundreds of tree removals.
I have lowered hundreds of limbs, branches, tops of trees etc...
Myself and the crew know what we are doing.
Sometimes things go sideways and sometimes you get smashed.

The point of this post is not to whine about the accident. What I want to talk about is the weird and wonderful way this world works for me sometimes. You see, I am in the home stretch of having my first book released upon the world. If ever there was a time to  be on my game, to be sharp as hell and ready to work really hard at promoting and marketing my project, this is it. So what happens when I need to be my best? What happens when I need to be the most amazing version of myself EVER?

Thats right. I get smashed by a tree at work.  

So there I was, lying in the trauma unit feeling very, very grateful to be alive. I sustained three fractures to my face, a broken left collarbone, fractures on my c7 and t 2 thru 6 vertebrae, 4 fractured ribs and a messed up, swollen left foot. I did not however crap my pants upon impact and for that I am proud and grateful. The irony is not lost on me that I am about to release a book called THE BAD TIMES BIBLE. Because this situation my friends could most certainly be described or defined as a BAD TIME. The irony is, my little smash up is turning out to be a very good time.
Now before you ask me if I have lost my mind let me explain. (yes, I did sustain a head injury but my cheese has not fully slipped off the cracker)

You see, before this accident happened I was contemplating what I had to sell to pay for the publication of my book. I was looking at my guitars and wondering what medical experiments I could volunteer for to pay for this endeavour. I was also worried about making the time to really focus on this first big push to get the word out about the book. I had alot on my mind and no time to really devote to it. I am not a wealthy man in the monetary sense and am like many people behind the financial eight ball. So work, work, work is the order of the day.

So the universe comes up with the perfect solution. 

The Universe or my higher self or something because I certainly didn't willingly volunteer for this.

I get smashed by a tree.

Why is this the perfect solution? Let me tell you.

Soon after the dust settled my sister, realizing the situation I am now in, decides to put a fundraiser together to help me in my time of need. She comes into the hospital and asks me if I would be okay with this idea. I tell her I am embarrassed and not sure it is a good idea at all. My sister then proceeds to tell me that it is my turn to accept help. That I have always given my time and talents (I play music with my band Loudlove. Check out to raise money for a multitude of causes. I tell her I have to think about it. I feel that she already has the wheels in motion. She is very sneaky. She is also amazing. 

Remember that I am high on painkillers and pretty smashed up so my thinking is a little off. As I lie there in bed that night I am thinking to myself that this is actually perfect. I am going to be off for 6 weeks minimum healing from my injuries, so there is the time I needed to really send my book off right. I still have my right arm to type with, and my left will be coming along shortly, so that is also a bonus. If I go ahead with the fundraiser I will have help with the book costs.

It is starting to make sense.

I decide that the only way I will go ahead with this fundraiser is if people know the money is going towards putting my book out. A book which is written for young men going through the cancer experience and for the people who love them. People in crisis. The money raised is going to support a book which I truly believe is going to help many people deal with the crazy shit that is happening to them. This whole thing is about paying it forward. It makes sense. I feel at peace. A smile creeps across my fat, swollen face as I realize I am exactly where I am supposed to be.

As soon as I make that decision I feel every cell in my body smile.

I know it seems crazy, but to me it is perfect. It has been a week and I am getting on my feet and starting to get organized for the big push. Today, sitting on the front porch at the farm where my lady and I live, I smiled...   

I smiled because my family and friends are stepping up for me.

I smiled because I was going to be able to put my book into motion without selling my guitars or my organs.

I smiled because I was resting my body which has been pushed hard for a long time.

I smiled because even in my smashed up state, my shitty financial situation and in my discomfort, 

I was happy.

Deep down inside I know that this is all for the good, and not just for myself.
That thought moved me to tears, and I was grateful to have had it.

WEll, thats where I'm at. Its late and I have to sleep. I have work to do.

Nighty night my friends.